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Fall is finally getting into full swing here and Iapos;m noticing more and more types of squash and pumkpins out at the farmers markets. While I am still working on some raw recipes to use them up(mostly pumkin or butternut for soups), I am even more curious what to do with the seeds.

I know pumkin seeds are edible and good, but does anyone have any experience with seeds from butternut or acorn squash? Do they taste similar, are they just as safe? Thoughts....?

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Photo Courtesy: pointincase.com

Ok...I had written two posts...regarding holiday shopping and removed it.� Those posts were getting on my nerves,� simply because it sounded so freaking generic Ok...I am still sick like a freaking dog....and I cant see straight...nor can I type straight. I am going to drug myself up on some more meds...DAMN

Will someone free me from this FLU........PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE I'll be back online in few...thank you Invademycloseteer's for your nice emails: oxoxoxoxo

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Notes may be added until noon. Feel free to comment anytime, about anything in Decatur, GA.

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Wow, ive never been so confused over someone. Itapos;s like i can find all these psychological reasons for why i like conor. I can dismiss them as simple confusions. And try to justify that he has a girlfriend. But then, at the end of the day, when im toasted out of my fucking mind, i just love him, and i want him so badly. It feels so true, and then it feels so fake. And at the last minute, when iapos;m looking for someone new, it feeels so true again. It feels like i could tell him right now and have no regrets. Does alchohol bring out the truth in people? really? well if it does, then the truth is tht i wish conor were here with me right now. Breaking all the rules, living by the rules...i donapos;t care.

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�I�decided to get my an opinion from my mistress on some of the things Iapos;ve read about online. Her response was that I�obviously have too much free time on my hands. Sheapos;ll now look for some more chores to fill up my idle hours.� She is not one to have me do stupid stuff that has no purpose. The activities either have to help her with something, generate money, or have some other positive point to them. She has decided that Iapos;ve gained weight. Maybe I have, a little. I now have to go out and ride a bicycle 10 miles a day. In the future�Iapos;ll have to be�careful�when talking about what I�do with��my "free"�time.

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i tried not to post up my personal problems here. But i have�no choice. I cant keep it to myself anymore.

two days ago when i was at work, i received a msg from my mom asking me to meet her. Whereas, i already had plans to buy some clothings at bugis with hidayah. So i asked if its really important. She asked bout me telling my probs to my aunt who has a big fucking mouth and cannot be trusted. I did not do what she asked. I came to her home just to hang around with my cousins, thats it. Then she get pissed when i say im sick of telling the same probs over and over again; bout her throwing me out and all.

she gets so pissed that she replied "........aku taknak anggap kau anak aku lagi ok puas hati" "... Aku taknak tgk kau kat rumah lagi" all i replied was just words of peace. But it didnt solve the problem there. I cried after getting that msg and called shadad to talk bout it, but i got ".....eh i busy la, nanti i call balek"

when�i was with hidayah, he called "eh u pukimak.. Jalan gi balek. U mmg sundal ah. U asal buat gini lagi, ape lagi yg u nak." i hanged up and he kept on calling. Then i decided to switch it off. When i was on the way home, i called him and "...ape lagu u nak. Nanti bleh bobal ah, i penat la nak tido tak paham pe sundal"

i took 80 home from bugis, dropped at hougang and walked all the way home to sengkang just to have a peace of mind. (FYI, thats what i always do when this happen) my cousin asked me to call and talk bout this, i did and he kept on saying "....kau tu anak pompan, kau kene paham asal dorang buat gini"

which part of anak pompan deserves this? yes i know im a girl, a daughter. But its the 21st century. I can take care of myself. For nearly 4years i have been with shadad, been sleeping over with him and all, but i didnt get pregnant, i didnt take drugs, i didnt sell myself. So whats so wrong? bout me always coming back home late? thats it. I just donot like to stay home, is that wrong?

i cried to myself the whole day. I have no one. My mother and shadad are the people i love the most who means the world to me. My mom throws me out, where can i go? i donot have a father no more. So where can i go?

i was so devastated, with the two people i love the most turning their back on me. I needed shadad when my mom did that, but in the end, the outcome twisted on me.

what wrong i did that u have to do this mother? just because i keep on coming back home late and not been coming home at some days? just cos of that? or is it cause that husband of yours picks a fight with�u all the time cos of me that u do this? y mother?

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Well, well...what can I say. The title pretty says it all. I was in a car accident in 2007 which sent me to Pennsylvania. In July of 2008, I found a wonderful shul up here. There are many strikes against me; including the fact that I do not live in the community (but rather about a 15 minute drive away); the fact that I now live with non-Jews (my Grandparents) and the issue that the shul membership is small, older and not really all that frum (on average). However a new rabbi just started and I am hoping to talk to him after yontif. Yep; kinda of frustrating to say the least...but Iapos;m put my trust in Hashem that he will help me through yet again.
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I was told not to put my feelings into notes on Facebook. "People will read them". I guess one of my last statements "offended" people. Iapos;m 3-4 years older than most of the college students around me. If I�knew I would be so "Old", I probably would have decided not to come to college here. I�want to be around people my own age, But I have learned that just because someone is your age doesnapos;t mean they are as mature as you are. I was called immature, or that I am not as mature as a 19 year old. Iapos;m rude and do rude things. Well. I guess I am rude intentionally sometimes, but not usually. It depends on what happens. I have no kids, I do not like to act like the parent to my friends or anyone else and no one else is my responsibility. Girls need to learn how to act and handle themselves when they are drunk. Itapos;s not fair to me when shit is placed on me, IE them getting home alright, just because they canapos;t handle their booze Donapos;t drink that much No one is my responsibility like I�stated, so when people need things or rides, I do not like to give them because I�have a luxury being away at school, and they do not, Which is not my problem. If my dad wasnapos;t nice to be I wouldnapos;t have this luxury here. So who is anyone to make ME feel guilty for not BEING THE MOM it seems. They are really oneapos;s to talk, telling me I need to take anti-depressants because I�had a bad fucking day. Yeah they have enough on their plate and shouldnapos;t even be looking my way. I just get punished for being myself and speaking my mind Wtf is that
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There I go daydreaming about being a stay-at-home mom again....

This schedule is awful. Iapos;m hoping it will get better when I start my overnight hours. At least then I will be able to go home and get as much sleep as I need. As it is right now, by the time I crawl into bed I have been up for over 19 hours. Then I get to sleep for 4 1/2 hours before Holt and Norm come in to wake me up in the morning. My parenting skills have been lacking lately because Iapos;m just too tired during the day to stand my ground. Today I let Holt basically eat whatever he wanted and he watched probably over two hours of TV. I just donapos;t have the energy to say "Hey Letapos;s go outside and play" and no motivation to do crafty things together. Although we have been playing with his markers lately and he seems to like those enough for now. So yeah, I get the kids ready for the day, I get myself ready for the day, I usually get one load of laundry done, and we spend a total of probably an hour to hour and a half outside. Then itapos;s naptime and then time for me to leave for work.

I wanted a nap today and Blake was sleeping odd hours. I knew he would be too awake to sleep the same time Holt did, so I took them both outside for over an hour. I packed Blake in the backpack carrier and made Holt ride his big wheel. He was thrilled. I would think itapos;s safe to say we trekked over two miles, which is a lot for a kid who doesnapos;t know how to pedal When we got home I put them both in bed and we all slept great But Iapos;m extremely tired right now. I donapos;t know if it was being outside or just that itapos;s the end of the week and the hours are getting to me. I hope I can stay awake on the way home.

The only thing that keeps me going are the girls here on the overnight shift. Sometimes I go out with them on their cigarette breaks. They crack me up I think Iapos;m going to like it here.

Ok, enough complaining.

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